Oh I can help you, alright.
As a matter of fact, the other men in your family are going to seethe in envy over the boulder of solid, slavic muscle that you’ll become. Your family isn’t going to need to pressure you to hit the mat when you’re pounding 150 at the gym every day. And as for your opponents? God help them. One look at the wall of pale, hairy muscle that is your chest is more than enough to send the strongest Olympians running for the hills.
This isn’t to say you won’t still have problems. And no, I don’t just mean fitting through doors (though you can cross that off the list of things that just got a lot harder). I’m talking about your ties to the mother country. You might find soon that your English is getting more and more broken, your thick, Russian accent coming to the forefront. Soon, your memories of growing up in the United States will be replaced with those of hard Siberian winters. You find that you no longer respond to your name, but instead to “Sergei.”
Go ahead, get used to saying it. Get used to the way it rolls off your tongue. That’s your name now. Sergei, or “Sergei the tank” as they call you on the mat.
What, you didn’t think this would be easy, would you? Becoming a pro wrestler involves some sacrifice. So instead of sacrificing your time, energy, and stamina, I sacrificed your petty, American upbringing. Trust me. You won’t miss it. As a matter of fact, you probably don’t even understand a word I’m saying right now. After all, English was never really your strong suit.
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