Go Fuck Yourself

This is NOT how today was supposed to go…

To make a long story long, my pal Justin and I aren’t the most attractive college freshman in the world. He’s a bit of a “porker” (his words, not mine), and can’t seem to lose weight no matter how hard he tries—and he’s tried pretty hard. I, on the other hand, have the opposite problem; my metabolism runs a hundred miles per hour, so putting on weight, whether it be muscle or fat, is next to impossible.

Ever since we met last semester, we’ve been on a journey to attain our ideal bodies. Justin only wanted to shed weight (or so he said), while I’ve always wanted the body of a stereotypical football jock: wide shoulders, chiseled features, and heaping portions of muscle where it counts. 

So we started hitting the gym pretty hard. We’d go almost every day, waking up in the wee hours of the morning to push ourselves past our breaking points. We timed our gym sessions perfectly to coincide with football practice too, so the school gym was always flooded with great looking guys rocking their perfectly toned bodies. For Justin, it was motivation. For me, it was selfish. Justin might not know this, but I’m pretty deep in the closet, and watching Chad—the resident quarterback fuckboi—pump his muscles every morning didn’t just give me something to strive towards; it gave me something to jerk off to every night.

Alas, the results never came. I still looked like a walking twig and Justin was stuck wearing XL t-shirts. We thought we were never going to attain our fitness goals...

And then, we found it: the miracle potion, a earth-shattering breakthrough in genetic notification. At least, that’s what the website claimed. We didn’t believe it at first, but when one of the nerdy girls in our dorm walked into class one day looking like a Hollywood starlet, we knew the rumors must be true. This was a formula that could give you your ideal body. Overnight.

It didn’t come cheap. Justin and I had to empty our collective savings to get our hands on just one bottle. But we were desperate. College isn’t kind to guys who look like us, and if there were even a shot that this potion could give us our perfect bodies, we were willing to take it.

The instructions were pretty simple; take the potion right before going to sleep, and picture your ideal body in your mind’s eye. Justin and I talked a little that night about what our ideal bodies would be. Justin said he just wanted to look normal. He said he would picture a handsome, toned, and significantly more attractive version of himself. 

I said I was going to picture Chad.

“No way man,” Justin said. “Seriously, the quarterback?” 

“Hell yeah, dude! Can you imagine having that body? It’d be sick!”

Justin scoffed. “Chad is such an asshole, though.”

“That’s the point. That body is being wasted on him; imagine having our smarts and his looks. Chicks would be all over us!” Little did Justin know that the first thing I was planning on doing after the transformation was hopping on grindr and hitting up the hottest gays in town. They’d go WILD over Chad’s impeccably crafted form.

Justin shook his head. “You do you, man. I just wanna be normal.” We poured the whole bottle into two glasses; we each had one shot at this. It could take years before we got our hands on this formula again. We had to make it count.

“To the perfect body,” he said.

“To the perfect body!” We clinked glasses and downed the potion.

As I was drifting off in bed, I pictured Chad as hard as I could. I pictured his perky bubble ass in those tight football pants, the way his workout shirt seemed painted onto his toned upper body. I pictured his deep, booming voice, and irresistible smile. His short brown hair that glistened with sweat whenever he had a good pump. I pictured his cock, which I’d seen only a few times in the locker room showers: thick and uncut, a 9-inch python hanging between two meaty legs.

Before I knew it, sunlight was streaming in from our dorm room blinds. I lifted my hand up to my eyes. It was heavier than usual. When I looked more closely, I could see veins snaking across my forearm, and a football-sized bicep just beneath. 

I leaped out of bed and ran to the mirror, my enormous feet clomping heavily on the floor. The reflection staring back at me had Chad’s face, his body, and from the outline in those boxers, his cock as well. But he was responding to my movements.

I was Chad.

I must have spent at least an hour in front of that mirror just getting to know Chad’s body. It’s one thing to observe someone from a distance, but to actually become them? It’s unreal. Chad’s comically large muscles seemed even larger when I was feeling them up with my own hands, and his deep, sexy voice was all the more sexy when it was actually coming out of my mouth. 

“Fuck, I’m so hot,” I groaned, rubbing Chad’s monster cock through my now skin-tight boxer shorts. I had never experienced such a profound infatuation with my own body. I couldn’t stop staring at the reflection because I wanted to fuck it. 

With one hand around Chad’s dick and the other on the mirror to steady myself, I began to furiously masterbate. I gazed deep into my own reflection, admiring the way his pecs bounced with each rigorous jerk, the way his mouth gaped as I approached my first orgasm in Chad’s body,  

Chad’s moans reverberated through my skull as wave after wave of cum drenched the glass, my legs shaking like a wet dog as I experienced what was easily the most powerful orgasm of my entire life… so far. The look of Chad’s naked body drenched in sweat was almost enough to get me hard again, but that’s when I remembered:

Justin.

I spun around, terrified. Had Justin been in his bed this entire time? Did he just watch me masterbate for over an hour in Chad’s body? Thankfully, our dorm room was empty, but it begged the question: where was Justin? Did his transformation work as well? What did he look like?

I realized that finding him wasn’t going to be easy. Once I managed to get my hard-on down to a semi and slip into the only pair of clothes that still fit me, I began searching the campus for my roommate—at least a thinner, more handsome version of him. I figured I’d check the gym first. Justin’s first instinct might have been to show off his ideal body.

On my way, I got dozens of envious looks from guys, and hundreds lustful gazes from girls. Man, I thought, no wonder Chad is such an egomaniac; people can’t take their eyes off of him! I couldn’t blame them either. Every time I caught my reflection in a window, I had to resist the urge to check myself out again. There would be plenty of time for that later: I had to find Justin.

“Chad!” Called a voice from behind me, which I instantly recognized as Coach Michael’s. The burly football coach marched up to me. He didn’t seem happy. “I thought you were out on the field,” he said. 

“I… um…” 

“C’mon, get your gear on. Practice isn’t optional.” He led me down to the lockers, where I could see Chad’s locker already open. Fuck, I thought. He must already be at practice! It was going to be weird with two Chads out on the field—especially since one of them couldn’t actually play football. Perhaps I didn’t think this plan through very well...

I slipped into some of Chad’s extra clothes and stepped out onto the grass. The other players shot me strange looks. They could tell something was up. I prayed that by staying near the bleachers, I could slip away when no one was looking. But that’s when I heard Chad’s voice call out from behind me:

“Alex?”

Wait a second… that’s MY name! My REAL name! It wasn’t possible. No one knew I had turned into Chad except… but it couldn’t be…

I spun around to see Chad run up to me. But I could tell almost immediately that even though the brown-haired specimen standing a few yards away looked like Chad and sounded like Chad, it WASN’T Chad.

It was Justin.

“Justin??” My mind worked in slow motion trying to process the situation. “You look just like… no.”

“I’m so sorry man,” Justin pleaded. 

“You pictured Chad too?? What the fuck, man?! I told you I wanted to look like him!”

“I know! It’s just… you got my imagination running last night and… I don’t know, I guess I was still thinking about Chad when I went to bed and… fuck, what are we going to do?!?”

“Well we can’t BOTH be Chad!” I yelled, throwing my arms up. By now, we had attracted the attention of the entire football team, who probably thought they were seeing double. Justin and I looked exactly alike.

I grabbed Justin/Chad and rushed him down to the locker room before Coach Michael could notice. “Here’s what we're going to do,” I whispered, glancing around the lockers to make sure we were truly alone, “my grandma’s pretty loaded. If I told her it was an emergency, I think we could get more of that potion—stop staring!”

Justin, like everyone else I’d encountered that morning, was transfixed by my cobblestone abs—HIS cobblestone abs. We were both sweating pretty hard too, and I could see Chad’s perky nipples through Justin’s shirt. I suspected he could see mine as well.

“I’m sorry man,” Justin said, “it’s just that you… me… Chad! He’s so…” 

And that’s when it hit me: Justin was gay too. Why else would he imagine someone as hysterically attractive as Chad? Going to the gym every morning with the football jocks wasn’t for motivation, it was because he wanted to fuck them. Just like me.

Justin’s dick—or rather Chad’s—was thick as a wrist in his football pants. A wet spot of precum started to leak through the Lycra, and it was then that I became acutely aware of how hard I was getting as well. I looked up and met Chad’s deep, brown eyes, gazing at me with the same lustful passion I had seen from myself in the mirror that morning.

Only this time, I wasn’t looking at a reflection. This was an actual person standing in front of me, someone who looked and sounded like the hottest guy I had ever seen. The object of my affection stared at me with such furious attraction, and it wasn’t long before I realized that I was staring at him the same way. 

At the same time, we grabbed each other and started making out. My mind went into a frenzy as Chad’s unique stench filled both our nostrils. Everything was sweat, flesh, and saliva. Before we knew it, Justin and I were on the floor, tearing each other’s clothes and savoring every inch of Chad’s perfect body. 

The thing people don’t tell you about having sex with yourself: no one knows who’s on top. At the end of the day, we both wanted to get fucked by Chad, so we just had to take turns. 

Justin mounted me first. I will never forget Chad’s gargantuan body looming over me as he slowly inserted his throbbing cock into my virgin ass. I didn’t care how painful it was; the feeling of him inside me—combined with the image of the star quarterback lifting my legs and slamming against my rut with hard, rhythmic slaps—sent me over the edge in seconds. Hot cum spilled onto Chad’s washboard abs, followed seconds later by something warm and wet filling my gaping ass.

“Sorry,” Justin laughed. He was so sweaty, he looked like he just got out of the shower. “He just looks so hot when he’s getting fucked.”

“Can I see?”

We swapped places. For a second, I was worried we would have to wait a bit after cumming, but Chad’s stamina was off the charts. Less than a minute after cumming, and we were both still rock hard and horny as all hell. 

Sure enough, Chad looked even hotter on his back. Justin lifted his arms above his head, giving me a prime look at Chad’s pits. I leaned down and lapped up his sweat—my sweat—and began opening Justin’s new hole with my leaking meat stick.

“Gentle,” he whispered in my ear.

“I know,” I grinned.

I was surprised no one walked in on us that day. Maybe they did. Honestly, who cares. Having sex with myself was the greatest experience of my entire life, and trust me when I say; it never gets old.

Of course we had to leave school. One Chad was more than enough, and as you can imagine, the real one wasn’t very happy when he found out two nerdy freshmen had turned themselves into identical copies of himself. 

So we moved to the city. We got a job go-go dancing at a local gay club, taking different shifts showing off Chad’s Adonis body to well-paying patrons. We bought a small flat, which we mostly use for fucking each other’s brains out. 

We keep talking about buying another potion, making changing things up a bit, or turning into some different sexy frat bros and going back to school. God knows we’ve got enough money now. 

But then we think… why? We share the perfect body. And no one’s gonna love you like yourself.